


A Kind of Solution

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirk Gently Needs a Hug, Domestic Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Parenthood, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Dirk feels uneasy. A knock on the door reveals the reason:She was small, not even reaching Dirk's hip, and had her arms around herself. She was wearing a jacket that was far too big for her, and she was barefoot. Her hair was matted with mud and leaves, and her face and body were dirty.Bartine Curlish has appeared on their doorstep. And she's six.





	A Kind of Solution

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Lourdes for betaing this!

"Dirk?" Todd yawned, stretching out across the sofa and butting his head against Dirk's arm, his leg stretching out and nearly knocking the half-eaten pizza off the table. Normally Dirk would respond either by swiping him away, or more likely by nuzzling back, but tonight Dirk was sat there stiffly. "You okay?"  
"Fine," Dirk lied, and Todd patted his arm, then checked his watch. Dirk didn't seem to have even noticed Todd had turned off the television.  
"Ready to go to bed?"  
Dirk hesitated, his face screwing up a little. He frowned, leaning in to rest his head against Todd's shoulder.  
"Something's wrong."  
"Okay," Todd answered, his hand reaching towards his phone. "You want me to call Farah? Do you have that tracker she-"  
"It's not Blackwing," Dirk interrupted. "It's… it's something else. Something… Something different."  
"Do we need Farah?"  
Dirk shook his head, his eyes wide.  
"No... not Farah. I..." He got up, grabbing the pizza box and walking off with it. Todd heard the door to their apartment open, and then close. Dirk returned empty handed.

"Dirk, did you just put our pizza outside?" Todd sighed slightly, wishing he'd known Dirk had planned that - he would have had another bite or two before it disappeared.  
"It just... it felt right," Dirk answered, and then looked at him. "Todd, I don't think we should ahem... make love... tonight."  
"Oh?" Todd asked.  
"Well, much though I enjoy fucking you, I feel fairly sure that something is going to happen. And if that kind of something happens I'd rather it didn't while we were in the midst of something."

Todd nodded slowly, trying to clear his brain from the mental whiplash that was Dirk's variety of ways of discussing sex.  
"Okay. Uh, is this the kind of something I need the airgun under the pillow for?"  
"Todd, you shouldn't put weaponry under your pillow. You know Farah got mad at you for that last month."  
"Okay," Todd agreed, because he was aware enough to recognise an argument he wouldn't win. "So we just use the bathroom and get to bed?"  
"Yes, I think that would be best. Is it alright if I go first? If the doorbell rings don't open it, but it... it doesn't feel like the thing is about to happen, not yet."

Todd nodded, feeling a faint sense of pride that Dirk would be so honest about this kind of thing. He knew that Dirk struggled with discussing his abilities, so the fact he was even willing to share that particular feeling meant a lot. He stepped aside, and Dirk headed to the bathroom. Todd was already worrying in case something happened while he was getting ready for bed, leaving Dirk relatively undefended.

He checked that all the windows and doors were closed and locked while Dirk was in the bathroom, and when Dirk emerged he quickly went to wash up, picking out some pyjamas. He didn't often bother, especially since he and Dirk had started engaging in 'nocturnal activities' (Dirk's term, not his), but if Dirk thought that they might be expecting company he didn't want to be caught with his pants down. He pulled on an old black t-shirt and some grey sweatpants, and padded barefoot back to where Dirk was sat on the sofa, tense.

Todd took a moment to consider where Dirk might have even found pyjamas with sharks in a rainbow of colours, before he reached out and took Dirk's hand.  
"Come on. Bed."  
"But what if-"  
"If someone comes, we'll hear them. You might as well at least try and rest."

Dirk nodded slowly, letting Todd pull him along.  
They lay down on the bed. Dirk was undeniably tense, twisting so that he could press his face into Todd's chest. Todd stroked his hair, breathing slowly to try and keep Dirk calm.  
"Ready for me to turn the light off?"  
"Can… Can I have a night light tonight?" Dirk whispered, and Todd nodded, carefully extracting the small night light from the top drawer of his nightstand, and walking over to plug it in. When it was glowing, he turned out the light, and returned to Dirk. Dirk was still more tense than he'd been in months, but Todd held him close, and gradually the tension bled away.

Todd closed his eyes, trying to put his concerns aside and get some sleep. He could feel himself beginning to relax when the silence was disturbed by a sudden loud thump against the door.

It didn't sound like someone had knocked - rather that a body had banged into it. Todd tensed, getting to his feet, but Dirk was already up. He smiled nervously at Todd.  
"Can you stay back?"  
Reluctantly, Todd nodded. He would’ve preferred to go first, protected Dirk, but he also wanted to show Dirk he trusted him and his abilities. He followed Dirk through to the living room, pausing by the sofa as Dirk reached the door. His hand was on his phone, with Farah's number up, ready to dial her if they needed backup. Knowing Dirk, that was quite likely.

Dirk opened the door slowly, and Todd clenched his hands into fists, ready to fight if it came to it.

At first, he thought there was no one there. Then Dirk gasped, and stepped slightly to the side, and Todd got a glimpse of their visitor.

She was small, not even reaching Dirk's hip, and had her arms around herself. She was wearing a jacket that was far too big for her, and she was barefoot. Her hair was matted with mud and leaves, and her face and body were dirty. Todd could picture Amanda when she'd been that size. She might have been muddy, but her hair had never been in such a state, and her eyes had never looked like that.

"Thanks fer the pizza Mister," she greeted them. Dirk had crouched down, to her level.  
"Hello. I'm Dirk, and this is my friend Todd, and you're-" He fell silent, and Todd realised what she was gonna say.  
"'M Bart." She swayed slightly where she stood, a playful gesture which, on Mona, looked sweet. On this girl, it looked strange.

"Well, hello Bart!" Dirk smiled.  
"You gotta thing ou'side." She pointed. "Not here, like..." her face scrunched up a little. "Daytime outside, not night outside. And it says you fix stuff, righ'?"  
"Yes, we've got a sign," Dirk agreed, ushering her deeper into the apartment. Todd noticed her jacket was covered in blood.  
"Wanna go home. You can fix tha' right?"  
"We will try," Dirk agreed. "Would you like some water?"  
She nodded, and Dirk popped her down on the sofa, before walking to the kitchen, signalling for Todd to follow.  
"That's... that's Bart," Todd murmured.  
"It is. She seems a little smaller than last time I saw her, it's quite sweet."

"Dirk, she's... there's blood."  
"It's not her blood Todd, don't worry."  
"That doesn't help," Todd hissed.

Dirk looked at him in mild horror.  
"You want her to be coated in her own blood?"  
"What?" Todd stared at him. "No. Fuck, focus. There's a tiny serial killer on our couch, you need to take this seriously." He felt sick. He was definitely regretting not calling Farah. She'd dealt with Lydia, maybe she knew how to handle children.

"She needs a shower," Todd muttered, trying to work out how to best corner Bart and put her in some water. Dirk frowned.  
"We can worry about that later. We've got a case."  
"Where would her parents even be?" Todd considered. If Dirk wanted to focus on the case rather than the fact that Bart was definitely younger than she had been at their last sighting, they could do that.

Dirk shook his head, filling a water glass.  
"It won't be her parents. She's definitely older than four, she'd be smaller otherwise."  
"So?" Todd frowned.  
"By then she'd killed her parents. Her home..." Dirk's face fell slightly, before a too-bright smile took its place on his lips. "Her home would be with Blackwing."

A filthy tangle of curls appeared as Bart leaned around the corner, dirty fingers leaving marks on the doorframe  
"Blackwing?"

Dirk held out the water. "You know Blackwing?"  
She nodded quickly.  
"You gonna help me ge' home?"  
Dirk nodded, and Todd could see the tension in his shoulders, but he managed to fake a smile at her.  
"We'll get you where you need to be."

She nodded, and walked back into the living room, dropping down onto the sofa and sipping her water. Todd was struck by the thought of how easily she could smash the glass and use the shards to kill him.  
"You know Blackwing too?" she asked, and they nodded, Todd biting down on the urge to make any comments about his view of Blackwing. That wasn't his judgement to make. 

She lapsed into silence, sipping her drink and then dropping the glass down onto the couch beside her, the drags of water pouring onto the cushions. Dirk was tense, but Todd found his attention drawn to the guest.

Todd stared at the little girl, watching as she poked at her mouth with one finger suspiciously stained red. He tried not to think about that too much. She looked up at them with wide eyes, chewing at her nail.  
"What?" he asked, not liking the way she was looking at him. He didn't particularly want her to be plotting to kill him. She shrugged a little.  
"Yer friends wi 'Priest?" she asked softly. 

Todd was about to deny it, feeling sick, but Dirk nodded, crouching down beside her.  
"Yeah we are."  
"Tha's why universe wan'ed me to come here," she mumbled. "Okay."  
"Why..." Todd asked Dirk, but it was Bart who answered.  
"'M not meanna kill Mistah Priest's friends 'less he tells me to," she told them calmly. "Can if I got to though, he won't be angry if I gotta."  
"Okay," Todd answered, still feeling very much out of his depth. He didn't know how to handle any of this, and was shocked by how calmly Dirk was responding to the entire situation. He couldn't be okay with this.

Todd frowned slightly. If Dirk wasn't going to be a sensible person about this then it fell to him to take control of the situation, and the first thing he needed to do was get some help, because he was not qualified for small children.  
"Look, Dirk, can you... is it okay if I call Farah?"  
"Don't worry her," Dirk said softly.

"Who's Farah?" Bart asked, picking up a second glass, sipping the water carefully, swirling it between each sip. With a sudden, sickening sensation, Todd realised he'd seen Dirk do the same. Dirk had laughed and said he'd been checking for flies, but Farah had told Todd what it was when they were alone. Bart was checking for some kind of poison, or drug, some powder or toxin that had been given to her in the very water she needed. Todd wanted to yell that the water was safe, but Dirk was pretending he couldn't see what she was doing.

"She's our friend," Dirk said with a smile. "She's very clever, and good at fighting."  
"Oh." Bart nodded. "That's good. Are you two scientists?"  
" _No_ ," Dirk said firmly, and for the first time since their visitor arrived his outward calmness appeared to flicker just a fraction. "No, we're not scientists sweetie, we're..." His voice trailed off, and Todd wondered which of the people who had tormented him he would choose. He smiled a little too brightly.  
"We're just admin staff."

"Oh, okay." Bart nodded. She swirled her glass, then took another sip, gazing up at them curiously.  
"But our friend Farah is a guard. She works mostly in the east wing though, so you-"  
"I ain't met her," Bart agreed, then took another sip, looking between them. "Why your buddy frownin' at me?"  
"I think..." Dirk hesitated, glancing at Todd. "He's just a little uncertain, that's all. Nothing you're doing wrong."  
"’Kay," she muttered. 

Todd stepped out of the room, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialling Farah.  
"Todd," Farah sounded almost irritated. "You know I'm out with Ti-"  
"It's an emergency," Todd interrupted her.  
"Is it Blackwing?" Farah asked, and Todd could hear her moving, knew she was on her way already.  
"No. It's Bart."  
"Is she-"  
"She's about six years old," Todd answered.  
"You mean a kid with Bart's-"  
"No, Bart is here. Bart, with red hair and a habit of stabbing things. She's on our sofa and bloody and she's about six years old."

"I'm on my way," Farah said firmly. "Just stop her killing anyone, okay?"  
"I... I can try," Todd conceded. He wasn't sure Bart was actually going to listen, and didn't know how to handle it if she wouldn't. He somehow felt threatening to ground her wasn't going to help. 

He returned to Dirk and Bart. Bart had undone her jacket a little, and Todd could see that she was wearing a jumpsuit underneath, black and blue.  
"She's got to clean up. Farah's on her way, she can help, but-"  
"I can wash," Bart answered, shrugging out of the jacket and then reaching for the poppers on her jumpsuit. Todd flinched, and she stared up at him curiously.  
"I ain't gonna stab you," she said, and Todd didn't allow himself to think about that too hard. Dirk hesitated.  
"Okay, let us show you where the bathroom is, I think one of Todd's shirts might at least be like a nightdress for you, and you'll have to put on your underwear for now, but I think you'll feel better when that jumpsuit has been washed?" Dirk's smile was still far too bright, but he led Bart off, and went to find her an old shirt to wear.

"How's the water work?" she called out, so Dirk went to explain, emerging after a few minutes. With Bart out of sight, Dirk seemed to deflate, his head bowed a little.  
"She's so young."  
Todd had no answer he could give to that, so he reached out and hugged Dirk tightly. Dirk seemed to shake apart in his arms, trembling in Todd's grip. Todd held him close, rubbing his hands over his spine.

The sound of a car pulling up outside made Dirk tense more, until Farah pushed open the door, and Dirk whimpered again.  
"Where is she?"  
"Bathroom," Todd answered, because Dirk didn't seem to be in a place to talk right now. "We... I thought she should at least get the blood off."  
"Is it… do we know if she-" Farah frowned. "Do you know how she's got here?"  
"She said she saw the sign," Todd answered. "But that was where we are in the day, and she came here because it was night time."

Farah nodded slowly, looking between the two of them.  
"Dirk, are you okay?" she asked. Todd was sure that he should do something to help, but he didn't know what would help any of it. He had no idea how to manage any of this.

"No… not really I'm afraid," Dirk said softly. "I'm afraid I told her that you're a Blackwing guard." He shrugged. "I want her to feel safe and perversely she’ll feel safer if she thinks that we're Blackwing, so we can give her that." He reached out to squeeze Todd's hand.  
"It's hurting you Dirk," Todd muttered, and Dirk shrugged.  
"It is. But I'm an adult, and she's... she's not an adult anymore, so..." 

Todd wrapped an arm around his shoulders, wanting to try and comfort him if he could.  
"Dirk, are you going to be okay here?" he asked quietly. Dirk shrugged then nodded.  
"I've got to be," Dirk told them firmly. He wiped at his eyes, getting rid of the dampness there. He made himself smile. "She'll be clean, if that will help?" He glanced at Todd. "I'm sorry, I know that the blood bothers you-"

"It's not the blood Dirk," Todd said firmly. "It's all of it."  
Dirk shrugged a little, and Todd could hear his answer there even if he didn't speak. The blood was at least an easy fix. Getting Bart to have a shower didn't fix the fact that she was here, didn't change the fact she was currently six, or stop her wanting to go back to Blackwing. But it did mean that she would be clean. Sometimes it was the little things like that which were the best to focus on.

Todd sat Dirk down on the sofa, sitting beside him and holding him close.  
"Tell me... tell us, what you need us to do."  
"I want you to help her," Dirk said, and he swallowed a little. "I want her to be taken care of, if we can do that."

Farah nodded, and smiled.  
"We can definitely do that, don't you worry, either of you." Farah looked a little bit nervous as she said it, but as always she was at her best when she could help people and support them.  
"Farah?" Dirk asked softly. "I know you looked after Lydia, do you have any advice for-"  
"Lydia wasn't a mass murderer." Farah said simply and firmly.

"Wha's a mass murderer?" Bart's voice sounded from the doorway. Her hair was in damp curls around her shoulders, and she was now wearing one of Todd's old t-shirts.  
"Someone who kills a lot of people," Dirk answered honestly, and Todd tried not to flinch.  
"Like me?" Bart asked, and Dirk nodded. "Is it bad?" Bart murmured. "'Cause..." her voice shook a little. "I only kill people I'm meanna..."

"You're not bad," Dirk said firmly.  
"Tha's wha' Priest says," Bart said with a smile. "He says I'm... Tha' I'm special, tha's all."  
"You're just different, it's not bad," Dirk said, and again there was a little shake to his voice. Todd wondered how much Dirk had doubted his own abilities. Whether he thought he was bad. Todd knew that Dirk's abilities were very different from Bart's, but they were still strange in a way that the world didn't allow for.

"So," Dirk paused, glancing around. "Todd makes _really_ yummy hot chocolate, so why doesn't he make that while we talk, and then you can sleep.”  
"'Kay. Don't need tablets to sleep tonight..." She yawned again, wiping at her eyes. "Did lotsa walkin' before I got here."  
"How… did you find here?" Dirk asked.  
"Oh. Cos you got that… sign thing… tha' says you fix stuff. So I went there, an' then I came here because I felt... it fel' right."  
"I see," Dirk answered with a smile. "Well I'm glad you came here-" He looked up at Todd and glanced towards the kitchen. "Hot chocolate, please?"  
Todd rolled his eyes but did as he was told, muttering a little as he made his way into the kitchen. He could hear Dirk talking to Bart, but he didn't listen. Dirk had made it quite clear that he didn't want Todd there, and so he was trying to respect it, even when he didn't really want to. 

He made up four cups of hot chocolate, adding marshmallows to two of them, and carried them back in on a tray that he had found in the cupboard. He was pretty sure that they didn't own a tray, but he'd given up worrying about what they did or didn't own. Given the number of times that Mona decided she wanted to be helpful that was a good thing.

Bart looked at the drinks curiously, but took the one she was given, taking a sip. Her eyes went comically wide.  
"'S good," she muttered, before taking a gulp and nearly spluttering. Dirk quickly whisked the cup from her hand and patted her on the back, then handed her her cup once more.  
"It's hot Bart, be careful."

She sipped her drink a little bit more carefully, yawning slightly.  
"'M tired."  
"That's okay," Dirk said. "We can make you up a bed on the couch, and then if you need anything you can just come and talk to us."  
"A bed?" She blinked.  
"With blankets and pillows," Dirk enthused. "So that you can be comfortable." 

She frowned at him.  
"To sleep? Tha's a lotta fuss. Jus… curl up in a corner or somethin’. Under tha' table looks good."  
"If you want to sleep under the table we can get you cushions and things," Dirk offered, and his voice only shook a little. "But you need to be comfortable Bart. We need to take care of you."  
"Why?" she asked, and Dirk stared, clearing his throat a little.  
"What do you mean?"

"Why do you gotta take care of me? Priest won' mind, an' he never bothers ‘bout beds an' stuff, jus' lets me borrow his jacket if it's cold. So why yer makin a real parade of it?"  
"Because you should be looked after," Dirk said, and his face twisted a little. "Because you deserve better than they've given you."  
"'Kay." She yawned again, taking a gulp of her now cooler hot chocolate and not saying anything more.  
Todd watched the others, slowly drinking his own hot chocolate. Farah looked worried, and Dirk was trying hard to be calm.

"Hello!" came a little girl's voice from directly behind Todd. Todd nearly jumped out of his skin, but turned around to see that Mona was there, also about six.  
"Um." Dirk looked over at her. "Mona, sweetie, darling, you are... you are choosing that, aren't you? I mean, you do want to... be..." He gestured at her height.

She giggled and nodded quickly.  
"I just wanted to be friends! Hello!" She waved at Bart vigorously. Bart blinked at her, and then looked down at her hot chocolate. Mona seemed undeterred, approaching and resting her head against Bart's shoulder. "I want to be friends."  
"Hey," Bart muttered, putting her now empty cup aside.  
"I can be a blanket?" Mona suggested hopefully, and Todd was too tired to deal with any of this, but Dirk smiled and patted her hair fondly.  
"Maybe you could be a teddy bear?" he suggested. "Then you can have a hug!"  
Mona morphed into a small brown bear, which landed on Bart's lap. Bart looked at her for a moment.  
"Your friend's weird," she told the room at large. Todd shrugged slightly, unable to argue with that particular assessment.

"We'll fetch some blankets," Dirk mumbled, and headed out to go to the linen closet. Todd paused, then walked to the bedroom to grab a pillow for her, placing it on the sofa. Bart blinked but rested her head on it, and curled up under the blanket when it was handed to her.  
"And I can jus' sleep here?"  
"Yeah," Dirk agreed. "Mona can keep an eye on you, if you get scared you can send her to get one of us."  
"I don' get scared," Bart muttered, yawning and wrapping her arms around the bear. Carefully, the three adults headed into the corridor, Farah closing the door behind her.  
"That… that's definitely Bart," Farah whispered, and Todd closed his eyes.  
"Why is it Bart?" he muttered to them.  
"I mean... personally I think I'd rather it was Bart than me. I'm rather fond of my current height - I could do with being perhaps a little taller but it is definitely preferable to myself at that age. And if I do regress to that point I'm not sure who will-"  
"Dirk. We'll fix it. I'm sure it's not contagious," Todd reassured him, beginning to realise how tired he was. He yawned widely, wondering how well he could sleep with the knowledge that there was a tiny murderer down the hallway.

"Go to sleep," Dirk muttered. "I should research-"  
"In the morning," Farah said firmly. "You both need rest. I'll stay up and keep an eye in case she tries to sneak off."  
Todd saw the way Dirk's face fell a little, and reached out to squeeze his hand.  
"She'll be fine."  
"I know," Dirk murmured. "And we can't have her wandering around. I just... I don't like the idea of keeping her prisoner."

"It's just keeping her safe," Todd said, and tried to ignore the look on Dirk's face at that particular phrase, wondering if he'd heard it before. He headed towards their bedroom.  
"Night Farah."  
"Night Todd, Night Dirk. I'll see what I can think up."  
"Good night Farah!" Dirk answered a little too cheerfully, following Todd down the corridor and resting his head against Todd's shoulder.  
"I'm worried about her."  
"Farah?" Todd suggested with a smile. Dirk didn't smile back.  
"Bart. I have no idea how to look after… that."

"We'll manage," Todd promised, and he meant it, because they had to find some way to cope. Bart needed that. She might have been terrifying, but right now she was a little girl, who needed help, and they would provide it because there was no one else around who could. 

That certainty seemed to reassure Dirk a little, and he went to prepare for bed, snuggling under the blankets and holding his arms out towards Todd hopefully. Todd sighed a little as he climbed in, biting down any sarcastic comments.  
"We got her to use the sofa," Dirk said sleepily. "That's got to be a good sign, in terms of… well, in terms of treating her like a person. We'll get there."  
Todd nodded, suddenly wondering if he was facing the next ten years or more trying to raise a holistic assassin. They had to find a way to bring her back.

***

The next morning, Dirk woke early, and he woke Todd by looking around the room.  
"Whuh?" Todd asked and Dirk managed a faint smile.  
"Just checking she hadn't come to join us," Dirk answered, and Todd flinched as he realised who _she_ was.

"Has she?"  
"No sign. I'm hoping she's still on the sofa... Todd, if we can't help her, if we can't fix this... I know you can't commit to helping her. And I can't... I can't leave her. So..." Dirk took a deep breath, shuddering slightly. "I just want you to know that... I understand."

Todd stared at Dirk in horror.  
"What? No. Dirk I am not about to break up with you because some time thing happened."  
"What if I end up six?"  
"That..." Todd considered for a second. "I mean, I'm not dating a six year old. But if you end up six I'll look after you, okay? I'm not letting Blackwing get their hands on either of you, do you understand me?"

Dirk nodded slowly, blinking back tears for a moment and then leaning in and embracing Todd tightly, resting his head against his chest. Todd stroked his fingers through Dirk's hair, attempting to shush him gently.  
"It's okay Dirk. It's alright, really it is, we'll find a way to fix this. I promise. I don't know how, I have no idea how this can be fixed, but I promise you, we can find something."

Dirk looked up at him nervously, but slowly he nodded, reaching out to squeeze Todd's hand.  
"Francis might be able to help?" Dirk suggested quietly. "I mean, he ended up being younger than he was, and it's probably not the same mechanism but really at the moment it's the best shot we've got."  
"I'll call Hobbs later," Todd offered, trying to press down his panic. He couldn't afford to be panicking now, not when Dirk needed him, not when Dirk was trusting him to manage this.

"Thank you," Dirk said softly, leaning in and embracing him. "It's... I don't know how I'd handle this alone."  
"Luckily you don't have to handle it alone," Todd murmured. "We need to get dressed, okay? We're going to go and look after her, and we'll see if we can find a way to fix it, does that sound good?"  
"I guess?" Dirk agreed, then sighed and nodded. He walked off towards the bathroom. Todd was tempted to tell him to leave the door open when he showered, afraid that Dirk would turn into a child the second his back was turned. But he stayed quiet, and reached for the phone, dialling Hobbs.

Even if Francis couldn't help, having Hobbs aware of what was going on was likely to be some comfort. He might have some advice for dealing with young tearaways, even if the young tearaway in question was somehow more of a problem than Tina had ever been.

Normally, Todd felt fairly well equipped to handle whatever chaos came their way, but this definitely required the input of someone who had a vague idea of how you took care of a child.

Dirk returned from the shower, embracing Todd and briefly nuzzling against him.  
"Can you go downstairs and sort out breakfast, I've got to do something."

Todd shrugged but walked downstairs to make sure that food was prepared. He found that Bart was lying on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling, her arms held straight by her sides. She was still six.  
"Hey?" he asked, and she jumped up.  
"You didn' make the buzzer happen," she protested, looking around nervously. "You shouldn' sneak up on people like tha'."  
"I'm sorry." Todd held up his hands in an attempt to placate her, hoping that he wasn't about to be stabbed or something. 

"So yer agree?" she asked him, sitting up and chewing on her fingernails. "So I'm not gonna be in trouble for not bein' ready for tests an' stuff?"  
Todd tried to ignore the way his heart twisted in his chest, taking a deep breath and faking a smile - he was fairly sure she was innocent enough about this stuff to not know he was faking it.  
"You're not in any trouble. I should have made sure you were awake, I'm sorry."  
"That's okay," Bart answered, and grinned.  
"You're doing fine," Todd promised, glancing over at Farah who appeared to be dozing in her chair, but who looked up as he moved closer. She subtly flashed him a thumbs up.

Dirk emerged downstairs, and walked straight to Farah, a crumpled piece of paper in his hands. His eyes looked slightly damp.  
"Farah, can you... take care of this. It's a note, for you and Todd, in case... in case this spreads."  
"I'll keep it safe," Farah promised him, and Dirk leaned in to embrace her, trembling slightly. Todd looked away, until Dirk came to stand beside him and squeezed his hand.  
"Come on. We should have breakfast. I thought pancakes, but honestly that's up to everyone else, I don't want to dictate what we eat-"  
"Pancakes are fine," Todd murmured. "I'll go cook them. What's Bart going to wear today?"

"I ordered some clothes for her," Farah said quickly. "I've just guessed the size, but they should be better than Todd's old clothes or- Better than Todd's old clothes."  
"Thanks miss," Bart murmured, and followed Todd into the kitchen. Todd couldn't help feeling slightly uneasy at Bart being this close to large, scary knives. He could hear Dirk and Farah talking in the next room, but couldn't quite make out what they were saying. He supposed that was probably for the best.

"Do we get pancakes for real? I ain't even killed no one," Bart asked, pulling him from his thoughts.  
"Oh?"  
"Priest takes me out for ice cream when I kill people, an' sometimes there's pancakes... I like Priest. He ain't scareda me, but you aren't too. Most people jus...." She hesitated, glancing at the floor. "They're all 'ahh Marzanna where'd you get that knife ahhh'." She sighed. "Even when I don't wanna stab no one." Her arms wrapped around herself, and just for a moment she looked like Amanda had when she was little and had found her friends were sometimes cruel.

Todd crouched down in front of her and smiled.  
"Hey, it's okay. We're not scared of you." That was a lie, but it was met by a huge smile, and she jumped forwards to embrace him. He cuddled her in return, patting her hair and frowning at the knots in it.

"Thanks," she muttered, nuzzling him for a moment and then stepping back. "Yer nice."  
"You... you should have nice," he promised her. "You can help me with the cooking, okay?"

She nodded quickly, and he searched around for a stepstool before remembering they didn't have one. He shrugged, grabbing a big glass bowl from the cupboard and putting it upside down on the floor. He tested it with his own weight, and when it held he moved so that she could stand on it. "You have to count the pancakes okay?"  
"Okay!" She grinned at him once she was balanced on the bowl. "I can count!"

Dirk walked in, leaning against the table with a fond smile.  
"She letting you help her cook?"  
"Yeah." Todd glanced over at him. "All sorted?"  
"We're keeping an eye on her tonight and Farah's going up to our room to rest, she didn't sleep much. I've called Hobbs, he said he'll call back if he finds anything that can help."

"I guess that's something," Todd agreed, handing Bart the first plate of pancakes. "You take them over to the table okay?"

"Cutlery!" Dirk said quickly, grabbing them, and then crouching in front of Bart. "You know how to use cutlery, don't you? I bet you use them when you're out with Mi-with Priest."

"Yeah!" she nodded, grinning at him enthusiastically. "Yeah, he says I gotta if we're in public cos people are fancy as fu-"  
"Yes, I'm sure he does," Dirk interrupted her, clearing his throat and glancing awkwardly over towards Todd. "That's good. So we can give you some cutlery, and you can eat some pancakes, does that sound nice?"  
"Yeah," Bart agreed, and skipped over to the table with her plate full of food. Todd watched her, and glanced at Dirk, who looked a little pale.

"You okay?"  
"Yeah," Dirk lied, and Todd didn't call him on it, because him pointing out that Dirk clearly wasn't okay wasn't going to help either of them. Right now, Dirk needed to pretend to be okay, and Todd needed to pretend to believe him, so that they could focus on looking after Bart. 

"Should we make Farah some?"  
"She's got one of her healthy protein bar thingumies, you know the ones?" He waved his hand slightly. "So she's got breakfast sorted, apparently. And I don't want to interrupt her. I know that television shows seem to think that it's cute if they send a little kid up with breakfast, but I don't think it would be very cute in this case, I think it would be more concerning, obviously each to their own, but I do worry that maybe it wouldn't be the best plan that we've ever had. Of course, I leave it to your judgement, but that's just my opinion-"  
"Dirk? Breathe. Slowly," Todd instructed, then handed Dirk his own plate of pancakes. "Go and spoil these with far too much syrup or something, okay?"

Dirk nodded, wandering over to the table after collecting his blueberry syrup, which he was apparently eager to share with Bart. Bart fell forwards onto the pancakes ravenously - but did at least remember to use her cutlery, so Todd supposed he couldn't complain.

Dirk was just mopping up the last of his syrup with a piece of pancake when his phone began to ring. He snatched it up from the table.  
"Hello? Oh... ooh, okay, thank you ever so much Hobbs, and it is great to hear from you, I've missed you so much."

Todd rolled his eyes as he listened to Dirk yet again confess his fondness towards Hobbs. He knew that Dirk meant no harm by it, and that even if Dirk had been interested, Hobbs wouldn't have been, but it was still a strange thing to hear your boyfriend loudly confessing his love for another man. Dirk hung up the call, and then wrapped an arm around Todd’s shoulder.  
"We think we might have a solution!" he told him with a shy smile. "We think that possibly, maybe, well... Hobbs spoke to Francis, and Francis said that while Panto and Silas have been expressing a longing for their friend, he had nothing to do with this."

"Oh?" Todd asked, waiting for Dirk to get to the point.  
"Francis didn't do it. Now, as far as I know, he's the only project with strange reality warping powers - perhaps there are others, they didn't introduce me to them all, and he was always viewed as comparatively non-threatening, but still. There must be a cause. It's just a fact that people don't disappear or end up as children without things causing it, that's not how life works. Which means that her being young is a holistic thing. A holistic thing which as far as I can tell, hasn't been caused by any holistic."

"And..." Todd prompted, glancing down at his food and deciding that Dirk's explanation could afford for him to have a quick break to take a bite of pancake.

"And if it's holistic, so part of the interconnected web of the universe, and isn't caused on the behalf of any of those who have a particular link to the universe and its whims and desires, then that implies that it must be caused by-"

There was a knock on the door that led off to their bedroom. Todd tensed, because that knock didn't sound at all like Farah.  
"Uh," came a voice that was definitely not Farah's at all. "Like, could you open this door? Because I'm kind of… like… see-through, and I..."  
"Oh shit," Dirk breathed, and Bart looked up at him and grinned.  
"Yer said a swear too!"

"Yes, I did, now let’s not worry about that at the moment, because our current key issue is the fact that outside this door there's a problem and I don't want to open it."  
"I feel like I should," Bart muttered. "'S like a hunch. Only wi' less killing."  
"I... I can open the door," Todd interrupted the two of them. "Because if there's a problem, I'd be better off opening it than-"  
"Can you like, hurry up and like, get this open?" the voice called out. Todd sighed, but walked up to the door, wondering if he should grab a weapon before deciding the presence of Bart made it unnecessary. 

He opened the door, and tall man stepped through, one of his arms catching on the door and passing seamlessly through the wood. Todd stared at him, blinked, and blinked again. The man was dressed in black, fairly muscular, and as he stepped forwards Dirk seemed to shrink in on himself.  
"It's you," Dirk said, fairly dejectedly, and then crossed his arms. "I'm not... I'm not having her go back there-" he explained, glancing at Bart as he said it, and Todd could see the issue there - Bart was only behaving because she thought that she was being sent back to Blackwing. Saying that wasn't the case was likely to stop her from being willing to cooperate, and a Bart that didn't want to cooperate was a potential danger to everyone who was in the room. 

The man stared at Dirk, and then at Bart, and then at Dirk again, as though staring hard enough would cause the right answer to fall out and make what was going on seem sensible.  
"Look, I don't want her to go back there? That's like... that's like the whole reason she's-" He gestured with a hand to indicate Bart's height. "I just thought maybe if she was out, then that would be better, because like, you guys are tools-"  
"You are calling me a tool?" Dirk spluttered slightly.

"No I mean like. An actual... you know, you're there to do things, you know?" The guy grinned and Todd tried to fight the headache that was threatening to appear. "You like, fix things. And that is a good thing, that's like, what you're for. But she couldn't do that there so I made her not there, and I solved your problem so like... you're welcome?"  
"What... what are you talking about?" Dirk asked softly, and Bart seemed to be ignoring the other man, patting the cat that had just sat down in her lap. Todd hoped that the cat was Mona, because otherwise there was a whole other problem going on. 

"I mean, she shouldn't have been in there, but she was and like... she was too big to get out of there easily, because like... how can I make someone carry an adult woman, especially one that'd bite them. But I thought, you know, if she's little, then it's easier to get her out of there, and she can't easily stop me, so it seemed like a better idea. Only she's kind of loud at that size. But it's still easier, so-"

"You did this?" Dirk asked him. "She's... she's about six."  
"You can… well, maybe you can't, you're kind of scrawny. But most people could carry a six year old, and now she's back out in the world and can use her ability, so that seems like wins all around-" The newcomer turned to go, stopping only when Dirk grabbed him.  
"Wait."  
"Okay, what?" the man asked, staring at Dirk in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you telling me you did this?"  
"Yeah? Were you like, not listening?"  
"I was. But. How, you're not-"  
"Oh apparently I'm like… channelling the universe now? I dunno, I’m not clear on the details, but basically the universe wanted a human bit and it picked me, so now I'm here and me but also kind of the universe." He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and Todd looked away before he yawned as well.  
"What do you mean ‘kind of the universe’?" Dirk prodded, and the man shrugged.  
"I like… thought that would have been obvious. I'm channelling the universe. So I'm not holistic, but I am kind of the same thing? I don't know, it didn't exactly giving me instructions or-"

"Be quiet," Dirk said firmly, reaching out to hug Bart. She cuddled up to him, and he patted her, shushing her softly.

"So you're saying you made her... because of your universe powers?"  
"Exactly!" the man said, delighted he was finally being listened to. Dirk groaned softly, but he nodded.  
"And you did it to rescue her."  
"Yep."  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm on your side and she can't do what she's meant to be doing when she's trapped in a basement. I get it now. That's not how it works."

Dirk nodded again, glancing over, but Bart seemed thoroughly distracted by the kitten.  
"Can you fix her?"  
"I did fix her. She's not in Blackwing."  
"She's a child..." Dirk paused. "I want you to promise you won't ever just like… do that to me."  
"Why would I do that man? You don't know what the circumstances are, it might be helpful-"  
"Well… just... don't leave me like that. Please," Dirk begged, and the man shrugged a little.  
"Sure, if it bothers you," the man answered. "We can do that. If it works better that way, really it’s up to you. Only I just think you'd be easier to control if-"  
"No," Dirk said, staring at him in horror. "I don't want to be a child so that you can control me. I'll do everything I can to destroy you if it comes to that, do you understand?"  
"You'd be six."  
"I was a focused six year old," Dirk muttered to himself.

Todd walked over, resting his hand on Dirk's shoulder.  
"Do you want me to get him to leave?" he murmured.  
"There's no point," Dirk said. "He never listened. This is Supervisor Friedkin. He was in charge of Blackwing during my latest stay, and he was not... he was not the kind of person you would want to be spending time with."  
"I object to that!" Friedkin said, but fell silent at a glare from Dirk. Dirk took a slow deep breath, then forced himself to smile.

"Look, I know you think you're helping but I promise, suddenly finding myself tiny would be the opposite of helping so please don't do that. We’re here because I care about Bart and want to fix her, and also because she's suddenly tiny." Dirk looked at him. "Are you able to fix her or not?"

"I mean, I can put her back to normal age, but what then?"  
"We need to work out where she's going?" Todd suggested. "If she's ...she can stay here for a bit."

Dirk twisted and pressed a kiss to Todd's cheek, then nodded.  
"We could let her stay here for a little bit, if she needs, or talk to her. But please. Give her back."

"I guess..." the man sighed, walking over. "But she does look very cute like this."  
"She's her own person," Dirk insisted. "You can't just modify her to what you think is adorable, don't you understand that?"

"I guess." The man sighed, and snapped his fingers, and suddenly Bart was there in full size, her arms wrapped around herself. She looked around, taking a couple of deep breaths and then clearing her throat, her arms wrapping tightly around Mona.  
"Hey Dirk."  
"Hey Bart." He reached out and squeezed her hand. "Good to have you back with us."  
"I had a weird dream. But... Where am I?"  
"You're in my house?" Dirk shrugged. "I mean, technically it's in Todd's name because I don't exist on the records, but that aside... you're in my house."  
"Oh. Okay, thank you. Blackwing was boring."  
"I'm sorry," Dirk said to her. "We didn't know that you were trapped there."  
"That's okay Dirk. It was kinda borin' there though. Do I gotta go back?"

"Where… where do you want to go?" Dirk asked, crouching in front of her and looking at her curiously. "If we could take you anywhere, where do you want to go?" He glanced over at the other man as he said that, as though expecting him to fix it.  
"I guess if I could go anywhere..." She considered, swaying a little. "Don't wanna go back. It was boring, and Ken never wan'ed to spend any time with me 'cos he's big business now. An' it would be bad without him... but I ruined... I ruined Wendimoor-"  
"I... like, I really don't think you did?" the strange man interrupted. 

"Francis was able to bring people back to life," Dirk agreed. "And I believe, based on a letter we got-" he flailed over at a precarious looking pile of paperwork, "that they'd want to have you back. Panto missed you at his wedding, he wrote to me about it."  
"He'd want ...Did I ruin his wedding?" Bart asked, and Todd stepped in to shake his head.  
"You didn't. He loves Silas, but it just would have been even better-"  
"Like syrup on pancakes!" Dirk added.

"What if I go to Wendimoor an' I ruin everything? An' then they hate me, or I kill them, or-"  
"I don't think that will happen," Dirk interrupted. "I think that they'd want to have you there." He glanced at Friedkin. "Are you going to allow her that or are you going to pull her back to use as a tool?"

"Will you come back from Wendimoor?" the man asked, and Todd glared at him, hating the way he just seemed to treat Bart as something useful.  
"Are you going to make me?" she asked in return, and he frowned.  
"I don't make you-"  
"You made me leave Blackwing. It was my home, even when it was bad!" she reasoned. "So are you gonna make me leave-"  
"No." The man sighed. "I won't make you. But it would help if you were around."

"I… I gotta talk to Panto. See if he wants me, but he said... he said it'd be a good ... that it wouldn't be like here. That it'd be kind. I'd like tha', I think."  
"Okay." Dirk smiled at her. "Can we... can we do that?"  
"Yes," the man answered, and Bart looked up at Dirk and hugged him tightly. For a moment, Dirk looked uncomfortable, but he didn't push her away.  
"You looked after me Dirk! When I was all small and... and not very good at stuff. You looked after me."  
"Yeah," Dirk agreed, squeezing her shoulder fondly. "I did."  
"That mean we're friends?" Bart asked, and Dirk nodded.  
"We're friends."  
Bart grinned at him, and then Friedkin cleared his throat.  
"Now that's all sorted, I'm going to leave you in peace. I'll see you soon." With that he faded away.

Bart looked at the space he had been in and shrugged.  
"He was weird."  
Dirk laughed and nodded.  
“Yeah, he was.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
